Coupe de Kille

by Amber Ames

It's a chilly fall day. I love days like this. I get very reminiscent of the day I came to being. Normally, on a day like today, I would just stay home with my bride. In fact, she wanted me to stay home and sip warm formaldehyde with her. She is on this new health kick and she's worried we'll began to decay without our daily dose. She's adorable. 

But I couldn't miss out on tonight's party: a monster reunion and birthday party for Mummy (although I really don't understand celebrating his birthday when he has technically been dead for thousands of years). Last I heard, Mummy was thinking of returning to his old tomb, for good. If he does he will probably end up in some exhibit that travels the country. He has mentioned always wanting to travel . . .

I have been looking forward to tonight since opening the invitation:

THE MUMMY TURNS 5,534 (AGAIN!) PLEASE JOIN US FOR A NIGHT OF FRIGHTS:

A MONSTER REUNION AND BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR THE MUMMY. 

AUCTION IN THE GRAVEYARD THAT EVENING TO AUCTION OFF DRAC'S KILLER COUPE.

I pulled up to Drac's and recognized his hearse right off. I can't believe he still drives that thing—the Bride would have made me sell it years ago. Ah, the life of a bachelor . . .

There was a chill in the air that brought back so many memories. "Frank old friend!" Dracula exclaimed. "It is bloody good to see you!" I smile, Dracula just as theatrical as I remembered. "Drac! I see you're still driving the old hearse. How's the gas mileage on that thing?" I ask. He smiles back, but ignores my question. "Please join us. We are enjoying cake and then I will auction off my coupe."

I entered his mansion and wouldn't you know, Walk Like an Egyptian was playing. 

After some reminiscing and eating cake, we all gather in the graveyard. Dracula explained how he's the original owner of this prized car. How he's recently realized the irony of his car sitting in a graveyard and hated the thought of it decaying down to raw metal, never again to hum with life. He knew of no better group of guys that he'd rather give the opportunity to own this car. I suppose there are not very many people in this world Drac trusts. He went on, but I didn't hear what he was saying. I was thinking about how it would feel to drive that coupe through the windy mountains! I could already hear the wind whistling through my bolts . . . 

The bidding started at $500, I raised it to 7 and Werewolf challenged me with 9. So it began . . . back and forth we went. Suddenly money was no longer an object to me. I had to have that car!  As the moon crept up the amount was at $2,500. Werewolf offered a bid of $2,600, I blurted out $2,700. The full moon illuminated the night. Werewolf turned and quickly transformed, and ran off before he could say another word. Although I felt bad for the guy, I quickly realized the car would be mine! "Going once, going twice . . . SOLD to the man in the stitches!" Dracula shouted. I signed the title with the biggest grin on my face. 

As I drove home I was beyond excited! Then the thought suddenly occurred to me: How would I explain it to the Bride? I guess I could always blame it on a loose bolt.